The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
