Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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