God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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