yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize