I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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