Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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