Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
