I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
