It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize