I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
