I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
