Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
