Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
