I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
