I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize