it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize