So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
