Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
