My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
