I'm jealous of your bromance
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
