I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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