the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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