You smell like stripper and shame
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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