my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
