did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
