The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
