I faked an abortion last night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
