dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
