Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
