thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
