Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
