My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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