I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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