He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
