just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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