We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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