people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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