Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
