you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
