I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
