So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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