why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she smelled like a LAN party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize