dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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