I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
