so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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