Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
