DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
