Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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