His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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