I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize