his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
