we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
