I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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