Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
