fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
