i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
