i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
