At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
