i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize