cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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