and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
