I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i came on her dog
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
