I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize