walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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