Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
