and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
