Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
