i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
