either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
