YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
