I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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